Friday, June 1, 2012

The Sky Is Blue

I looked up at the bright blue sky. It was moving in the wind, you could see it in the clouds. My mother and I used to believe that groups of angels used clouds to disguise themselves so they could watch us from heaven. I didn't really know my opinion anymore, since my mother died, everything had changed. Whether it was from the way the house seemed or how we acted anymore.
My father had been doing drugs and I had cut myself completely off from the world. I spent most of my time looking at the sky, thinking. My father called it a waste of time, but he was just being a hypocrite. I would spend time in rain or sunshine laying in the grass.  
It was just a comfort to me to have something hug me. Whether it was grass or the breeze, I knew I was not alone. I somehow felt my mother there. My father also thought this was insane, as he told me everyday.
"Mother is long gone, you damned child. Your mother is not coming back whether or not you sit outside. I can't believe you in believe in shit like that. God forbid that you think that you can bring her back. I have such a hard, shitty life, I  don't need to worry about you either."
That was the last conversation me and my father had had, so as you can see, his opinions on me thinking were not so positive. But I didn't come outside just because I thought it might bring my mother back. I went to the grass pasture because it was a place where I could think and just be alone. It was a place where I didn't think that death was right around the corner. I of course, had thought of going to heaven with my mother all the time. My father wouldn't seem to miss me. But something kept me on the earth.
I always thought that maybe it was the daisies, but now as it began to sprinkle and the dark clouds rolled in, I didn't really think so. I started to remember what my mother said about rain. She said that it was the world mourning for tragedy. But it didn't cry when my mother died. And if that wasn't a devestating tragedy, then what the fuck was? 
You could say that I am angry with God, but in my opinion it's okay. I never even got a chance to say goodbye. I loved her. I loved God too, and I suspected that someday I would make peace. But my heart was breaking each and everyday and I only felt more alone.
The bright blue sky was a statement, but with a sigh, it made me feel somewhat calm.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Till Death Do You Part

There is a small place in this world,
where a valley lays.
It is has a village with a few houses,
and a few trees at the top.
I live there,
and I wait.
Everyone waits.
They wait for a better year, a better day, or a piece of bread to keep from going hungry.
None of these ever occur.
They call it a healing process, and to be patient.
But each day I look at the horizon waiting for that better year, and it never seems to appear.
I catch fish, and walk by the lake, and climb a tree, but that horizon never has anything coming over it.
I hope and hope and hope.
Now I am hopeless.
I am also speechless.
I can no longer speak my mind or uncover my thoughts, for I am still waiting for that better year.
I have not parted yet, but I am still waiting.
I am waiting in that valley, with a few houses and a few trees, looking for the better days.
Death has not grasped me, not until that better year.
But I have been sitting and looking forever,
and my skin has wrinkled, as well as my life.
I am persistent on those better days, but I don't know when it will come.
Maybe today, tomorrow or in 1000 years.
Till death do I part, I will look for that missing better day.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


Summer came. Her freckles matched her heart, a different and unique object. Young is what we are, so we jumped holding hands, always together. I sang London Bridges Falling Down. We beat gravity. We were the music. If we could fly, this would be it. The chorus of our lives never got old, so how could this?

Lonesome at Day

Fall was here and everything seemed so alone. Winter was already bringing the cold. I walked outside and sat underneath the red maple tree. The leaves swished up, putting me at peace. I wished this moment would never end. She was gone and the air had not passed. It was time to heal. I would miss the skies. My heart dropped for a minute and I finally started to breathe. I flowed like a river at last.


My spirits lifted. I danced on the rooftop, and suddenly stopped. I screamed to the sky, asking why. Nothing seemed to survive anymore. I looked over the 10 stories, and 'smack' came to mind. It was no longer a matter of time, because I had no time left. My mind was conflicted and my heart burned with fury. No one cared anymore. It was bright and the wind blew without a purpose, just like me. I stepped to the edge and spread out my arms like peter pan. My eyes closed.
              I fell again, for the last time.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

At The Edge

On the edge of this world there is a window. And at this window there is a life. A life that is misunderstood as it watches time go by. It seems that this life on the outside has everything perfect, but as it gets deeper it has been crushed and has fell.
It is surrounded by darkness, and the dark can be scary and lonely. No one can rescue you or so it seems. It is like an endless tunnel.
The betrayal in the life's eyes were so true. It seemed like everything was a lie, or was it? Each word that played through the life's mind was carefully analyzed. Cautious and self destructive this life was.
The people in the middle of the earth could not get the life's feelings. People judged and rejected, and so the shack with the window on the edge of the world walls where that life stayed.
The life would curl up and die for hours. Then the life plastered on a face like a poster girl, and walked into the city of lies. 
The life didn't belong there. I t didn't really belong anywhere.

Saturday, April 14, 2012


I looked up at the sky and remembered what I once was. I thought back to the time of happiness, and hand picked flowers. The pink dress flounced in every direction as I skipped through the garden. A fence was too high to climb over and a stone was an island in the water. A place, where you could escape. Now, I wish I was that small in the woods. Where my laughs echoed.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


We have all fought our whole life, even if we are the invisible
Some fight the secrets that slowly kill them inside, while others fight the beatings put on them.
It leaves a mark no matter what.
I will live, or so they tell me.
And I will soar  across the galaxy. 
To remind myself that there will be something there, someday.
Dying today, won't let you live tomorrow.
I want to remember this.~

Thursday, March 29, 2012


Forever there,
Forever more,
Forever perished.
And in the hatred of this world,
I die.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Spring is Here.

I took a deep breathe in and dreamed in the lazy sun. I was the daughter of two worlds. Night and Day. Sun and Moon. The folks called me Nightingale, besides the obvious. But I wondered what it would be like to live in the clouds every, single day. I felt my skin burn but cool. The trees whistled in the breeze, as soft sweet breeze where you could hear the music playing through. Desperate and dried, winter was, or so my mother told me. Spring was here alas and I would play my days with the guitar. It swift strings moving us all through the seasons. 
I got up and wiped my long dress off where the grass stained it. Concrete surrounded the walls and this tiny pasture was my only escape. I was a goddess, but in this world I was a witch. A witch who deserved to be locked up her whole life. I lost my education and began to learn from the stars. They gave you signs and whispered quiet lessons to your ears. 
They didn't teach you math or literacy, but the history and the stories of the skies. The muses and the battles, and when Greece was under the power of Zeus. They were like truthful bedtime stories that put you to sleep, but in the good way. They made you go off into a land where you belonged and did not have to fake an acceptance. It was the differences that counted there. Most were forgiven but others were banished. It was the way of the world. 
Now I lived on Earth in a grey building with a child who moans to her death. You can hear her tell you that you, the witch, will die with the rest of them. The rest of the children who could never come up to the skies and stayed in the black holes. It was a desperate desire to fly off.
When I came back into the jails, I laid down and watched as the rats scattered across the floor looking for anything they could get their hands on. Dirty scoundrels. The stories said that rats were cursed Gods who had lost their shine. They no longer did what was right and left marks upon those that they loved. I wondered if it was really true, and yet it made sense.
I found myself drifting off into a sunset, and I was lying in a boat lost, but not.
Then I heard the whispers of my ancestors,
 Nightingale, Nightingale, of the night and the sun. Nightingale, lost in a river going down to the temple. Athens calls, Athens calls, hear the cries of your people in the circle....
I woke up not remembering, but only hearing the screams of a fire. I walked to the edge of the gate and saw the flames. They flew across the floor. When they touched me they did not burn, but they calmed my nerves. I was going home...or so I thought.
I prayed though before I left, that my sisters would leave in peace and that the rats would someday understand their curse.
Spring, a new beginning. Where a small brown seed turns into a bright, erratic, miracle.
Where beauty that was not thought to be there, comes out. And even then, you know who you are.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

~A Shadow That Moves Through The Night

The black in your heart can not be replaced by another color.
You will always be the storm in my life.
Something will always drive us apart.
I can't breathe anymore, I am choking on this.
So far apart, but so close.
Is it temporary or not?
Screaming only makes it worse.
Picture all the hell breaking loose.
That's me now.
Rumors don't hurt me anymore, or do they?
Secrets only kill,
And the canvas has been stained.
It's no longer white.
I am only dying.
Pull me to the top or knock me to the bottom.
A yellow eye stares back at me,
It's emptiness mirroring your love.
Goodbye world, or so I think.
Books have said I would disappear,
and I only fade each day ever more.
Look a me and then look at the words written in blood on the walls.
There is no more time.
I dive in, but there is no relief.
A shadow that haunts us,
runs through the night.
If only I could catch it and leave.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Summer Girl

The summer day has ended and alas another night of snow.
To see the stars in the dark, while the little white faeries dance upon our noses.
The angels in the snow, enjoy the sky too, yet it is all they see.
I close my heart and wish for warmth again, while my toes freeze, without the sand.
I will always be a summer girl, but this once I belong to the cold.
I will wait and wait until the first sprout comes up and then I will run and see the sights of the world.
For I am traveler, and I will stay where I am content at the moment.
But my long legs will carry me forever.
I will see the earth inside and out. 
While the faeries dance on our noses.

Friday, February 17, 2012

I Still Will.

Stars down on the streets.

Walking through the wind with the sun.

Snow fall in the summer.

And world flipped outside down, in some way.

Without you in it it would be right side up.

Is it good, is it bad?

We don't know.

But we know where we are now.

I love you, but forever more I must walk a straight line.

And when the upside down world without you falls, I'll still love you.

I'll pick you up, even if it bleeds a rainbow of tears.

I still will. Forever.

Once upon a time is nothing without that.

Little Marks Of Us

The spring is coming,
the flowers will burst.
But alone I will wait
On the doorstep of yours.
And when the sun rises,
I'll walk away.
Butterflies will chase my heart,
but I know I am too late.
Love fades and yours did.
Mine never will.
Summerset grant me one wish.
To see you again in the rain,
to dance and laugh once again.
White roses have turned to red and a tear escapes.
The queen of cards knows I have lost the gamble with my love.
A bitter sweet dusk.
Time is a friend and an enemy,
make it enchant.
Destruction is all around, and as the sprouts come up from the ground, remember me.
My hand rubs the surface of concrete with our initials and looks for those little marks of us.
We left, making us known.
Each place has a meaning. Each notebook has a word.
There is a dream of moments and each passes by.
A picture put on the wall of the sea can let you run.
But if you keep on running, where will you end?
I will be a sparrow and fly to the next destination.
Chase me or catch me.
Or if you please, leave me there.

Lala land

Butterfly colors all around in the air.
Oceans inviting me to the depths for tea.
Dreams for the tree branches to grasp.
Shooting stars that give you wings.
I wait for the full moon to arise so we can sit and talk about the months as they pass by.
A new year came and is now gone.
Roses are blushing at this sight.
People say I am crazy, but really it isn't true.
I only express myself in ways only nymphs can tell.
The music from their harps carries me.
Lala land is not to far away, but it seems like miles.
I walk through the forests only to find that Dorothy was wrong about the lions and tigers and bears.
I look and wonder how a purple heart can change a sunset.
A house appears in the forest and I walk in.
A witch wants to cook me up, but she is the one to fall.
I ride swans down a river to gold.
And find a dragon.
The dragon takes me away and we fall in love.
I love my dragon.
We fly to the clouds and find a mountain top.
My dragon melts the snow and makes spring come early.
We lay there, together and wonder where the seasons have gone.
They like to hide.
So, we decided to play a game.
To find summer and bring it's warmth to our hearts.
The game hasn't ended but I know I am going to find it somehow.
When I find summer, I awake in my bed.
The dawn is coming up and I know my dragon is looking for me now.
I wait all day for night to come and then I walk through the door.
It leads me to my fairytales once more.
Neverland and Peter Pan welcome me back.
And the child inside of us all goes to fly with the dragon.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Moonlight for Dusk

Moonlight, shining at dusk's peak.
The lake glitters and swans hide in the reeds.
I walk across the water,
hand in hand with the water spirit.
She laughs in delight, 
spinning me till dizzy.
I have nothing, yet I have everything.
How am I to be alone? 
When I am surrounded by billions of souls.
Call me a fool,
call me a liar.
But even I do not understand my hollow heart.
It's haunted and chilled, 
in a place of warmth.
Irreplaceable, deceased and cold,
I am yet.
For a fair maiden can be cursed.
And the wolf in me will hunt.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Goodbye Lullaby Dreamer

I wake in a room, where knives are in the walls and blood stained carpets hang off the windows. It a misunderstood situation, some would say. But it is a dream today. The room has black wallpaper but it has been shredded by the nails of us all. It's  only escape route is the metal door, by the windows with the bars. I pinch myself to wake up, but the room seems not to be a dream, but an enchantment. I walk around the bed that is fit in the middle of the room. It's red blankets with black roses seem to be in the wrong room, but the feathers that stick to it make it perfect.
I sit down on the floor and rub my hands against it's sticky surface. I lay down finally, and feel the coolness of the black wood on my skin. My eyes close and I remember my old mother's lullaby. I hum it to myself. If someone were to walk through the bolted door, I would probably be the right piece of furniture for this nightmare of masterpieces. I keep still and wait. I Wait for the lullaby dreamer to rescue me, I wait for the prince in shining armor that will never come. I wait for sanity to come and show me the portal to reality.
If only, if only.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Guardian Angel

A new beginning.
Change in a form.
Hope in a soul.
Light cast through your heart and filled the darkness with a fire.
Truth prevails.
And in the darkest hour that you will see, a guardian angel will save you.

Too Late

     I stood there, while the creatures fought for hours. My heart stopped at the moment. Fire and ice surrounded me. I was burned alive and then frozen. The dragons only seemed to fight on. There was no way for me to escape this painful terror. My strength was weak and the I could carry on no longer. So I fell, I fell through the clouds and the sky. I almost believed I was an angel, drunk on the butterflies in my stomach. When I hit the ground, my whole body finally gave in and broke. The grass was cool on my skin, and my life was numb. I wanted to feel something to let me know I was alive. But I was afraid that the pain would be too much for me to handle. I was stained red with the blood of others and myself. My eyes continued to flutter as I looked up in the sky and saw the clashing colors. It was almost like a fireworks show but the screams of people and innocents were unavoidable. I knew that others were falling from the sky and that they themselves would not survive.
     If only I could crawl into a hole and be found somehow. I knew that I would die because it was just a part of life. It was a natural cycle. But some had more time then others. I closed my eyes trying to welcome in the common fact that death was near. But I wanted to live, didn't everyone? It only kept me clinging to the earth. I was a broken toy and would be left in the playground behind the woods, where no one would find me until the earth was dug up and it was to late.